Random Hopeless Epiphanies & Rantings..

Maybe I want more.

I need a release, any fucking sane release, I can't handle this shit!

Wish I drank but I can't stand that crap! I wouldn't turn down a dose of anything just now, in my current state!

Yea, I'm a boring hopeless case, nothing enlighting here, just random unvented bitterness, building up and up,

Do I require medication? Who knows, that should probabaly help a bit, but then what happens when I get addicted to that?

Like love, I am addicted to love, was addicted to him, still addicted to him..can't get him out of my head, I should I must..I can't, I don't want to....

Must...keep...up...uncaring...facade...appear strong, appear unfazed..because the minute you open up...it never starts pouring out....

What do I want? I know...him, out of my head....get on with my life, get rid of the house, get out of this course...Get out of this situation....

I am so tired...I am so tired.. I don't want to do this anymore...

Just let it be a joke, lets just ignore it all, and act like it's all OK..

Everything is a joke, its alright, I never meant that...You are the only one I want...I need..Ure the best..I can't do without you, I was so stupid to have even thought of letting you go..What was I thinking..fuck what others say..lets just be together and give the finger to everyonelse....That's what I want him to say...to call me, dash down and see me...hold me..tell me it was all a dream...How could I have been so silly to think like that...How could I have doubted him..I want him to tell me that..and make it all go away...Like he did everything else...

Ahh....Let me see.. do I feel refreshed? Redeemed, free..after being released from my typical lovelorn rantings...

Blah. I am boring. Fullstop.

I do not know what the fuck I want, I can't comprehend my thoughts, I can't comprehend my rantings, I get mad easily...but can't stay ,mad for long...

What a waste of energy, what a waste of time.,...

Will I be back to do this again...who knows....

I just want you.,..Only you...nobody else...How can you be happy with anybody else apart from me...Were you even happy with me...Are you sure?
Or were you just so good at putting up a front, to act like you were?
What did I do? What did I not do?

Why can't you just tell your parents to fuck off and be with me...
OooOooh I have an appetite now..Maybe an Alpen bar would help..
Before i try to stuff my facefull with a whole tub of icecream and only manage 3/4!

Fuck trying to be interesting and smart and open-minded.
Just eff it to hell. Maybe I am part dyslexic.