Random Hopeless Epiphanies & Rantings..

What am I doing here?

I don't know..

Too many things jus moving around my head

My initial muse. HIM. Is back

He hints, dances around it, flirts, wants to care, wants to come back...

I ignore, sigh, hisss, and consider somebody else I never would have looked at in a million years.

What am I doing here?

Rush hour

Lust ridden I become
Staring at you across the platform
Oblivious you become
To my turmoiled domain
I admire
I desire..

X

Just a quarter of a sip
From your two toned lips
The pink I save for last
In a bid to cure my fast
For the lengthy in between
Alas you can't be within
Unless shrouded in my thoughts..

Bleed

My heart grieves at this new way
To have no say
In what reason demands for the day
That I wait
For that destined by fate
To be my 1 and only
And leave me less lonely...

I'm back..

Trying to gather some thoughts..

So much going on ...

It's a new era indeed..new changes, new phase of life....things happenning so fast my head is spinning...

New Job, new possibilities welcomed with more dosh off course..

Newish/Old Territory...

Where do I start from...

Still wish he was around to share all this with me...but such is not the case..

Will get there one day... *insert MJ's signature howl here*

Couples...
Ack...Avoid at all costs.

So in absence I am more appreciated?

And in presence....what?

It would have been wonderful to have you here, to share and enjoy what is to happen with me.. I fail to think of anyone more befitting of this? No one..

Short terms...waste of time as cynicism grows and grows as each day goes by...

I still compare you...and still no one is half up to what you are....

What to do...

Shoes could be worthy..with lack of funds, they give me the finger...

Family...I am glad for..to a certain extent for...but only just ....

I want what is mine....

What is mine?

What isn't others but mine...

Not to be flaunted in my face..but mine and mine alone to enjoy...

Loving this Dare's carry dey go song... I need you to carry dey go away from my head...

Pride.

Maybe I want more.

I need a release, any fucking sane release, I can't handle this shit!

Wish I drank but I can't stand that crap! I wouldn't turn down a dose of anything just now, in my current state!

Yea, I'm a boring hopeless case, nothing enlighting here, just random unvented bitterness, building up and up,

Do I require medication? Who knows, that should probabaly help a bit, but then what happens when I get addicted to that?

Like love, I am addicted to love, was addicted to him, still addicted to him..can't get him out of my head, I should I must..I can't, I don't want to....

Must...keep...up...uncaring...facade...appear strong, appear unfazed..because the minute you open up...it never starts pouring out....

What do I want? I know...him, out of my head....get on with my life, get rid of the house, get out of this course...Get out of this situation....

I am so tired...I am so tired.. I don't want to do this anymore...

Just let it be a joke, lets just ignore it all, and act like it's all OK..

Everything is a joke, its alright, I never meant that...You are the only one I want...I need..Ure the best..I can't do without you, I was so stupid to have even thought of letting you go..What was I thinking..fuck what others say..lets just be together and give the finger to everyonelse....That's what I want him to say...to call me, dash down and see me...hold me..tell me it was all a dream...How could I have been so silly to think like that...How could I have doubted him..I want him to tell me that..and make it all go away...Like he did everything else...

Ahh....Let me see.. do I feel refreshed? Redeemed, free..after being released from my typical lovelorn rantings...

Blah. I am boring. Fullstop.

I do not know what the fuck I want, I can't comprehend my thoughts, I can't comprehend my rantings, I get mad easily...but can't stay ,mad for long...

What a waste of energy, what a waste of time.,...

Will I be back to do this again...who knows....

I just want you.,..Only you...nobody else...How can you be happy with anybody else apart from me...Were you even happy with me...Are you sure?
Or were you just so good at putting up a front, to act like you were?
What did I do? What did I not do?

Why can't you just tell your parents to fuck off and be with me...
OooOooh I have an appetite now..Maybe an Alpen bar would help..
Before i try to stuff my facefull with a whole tub of icecream and only manage 3/4!

Fuck trying to be interesting and smart and open-minded.
Just eff it to hell. Maybe I am part dyslexic.